I have something to confess to you all.
And the struggle is real. It’s something I struggle with more than I would like to even admit. It’s something that is not really talked about, but it is so real in my life.
I struggle with d o u b t.
I doubt that God has my best interest at heart. I doubt God’s ability to provide for me. I doubt God’s love for me. I doubt His promises are true. I doubt the very words God has spoken to me.
The list could go on, but hopefully you get the idea that I doubt God.
God and I have so many different conversations about my doubt (notice that this is a present situation because I am still working through it).
Earlier this week, I felt this doubt creeping into my life. I felt the doubt starting to take over. At first I just wanted to ignore its existence there, but by ignoring the doubt, it grew bigger. I could feel it starting to take up space in my heart. I knew I needed to bring the doubt before the Lord and have Him do a work in me.
I laid my doubt before Him.
The conversation started by me just talking to God about my current circumstances. It’s often my circumstances that produce the doubt because all I can see in these moments is the life that is unfolding right before my eyes. As God and I talked through these different life events, I told Him how these situations made me feel. It went something like: I’m tired. I feel completely drained. I feel like You have forgotten me. I feel like what You have told me could never happen. I feel completely alone. In this case, those statements of feelings quickly turned into questions: God, where are You? God, will You fulfill Your promises? God, You say You are good, where is the goodness?
This was my heart’s cry (and unfortunately because of my sinful nature this has happened before). When doubt creeps in, these are genuine questions I struggle with even though I know the answers; but it’s a constant battle in my heart to remember God’s simple truths, and I was doubting again.
I also knew that if I let the conversation stop here with my questions, then I’m the only one doing the talking and that’s not a conversation.
My heart desperately desired to hear from the Lord.
It was at this point, no matter how tired I felt or even how sad (or angry, alone, empty) I felt, I opened God’s word. I wanted to hear from Him. I needed to hear from Him.
It was in this slow moment after I cried out to God, I opened my Bible to the next section of reading–and if I’m being completely honest, I didn’t think God would talk at all. I believed this lie that God didn’t care enough about me to speak to me.
I read through the different verses of God’s word, and then I got to verse thirty-five. It was in that very moment, God revealed the answers to all my doubts. It was in that very moment God did care about me. It was in that very moment that God cared enough about me to speak to me by sweetly whispering: Rachel, my Scripture cannot be broken.
His Word is very much alive and very much active. It has the very ability to speak into my (your) life. It’s only because Christ Himself is the very Word of God that I (we) can even hear from Him.
That phase “Scripture cannot be broken” was not something I had to go and find. I didn’t open to the back of my Bible and look for “doubt.” But I did open up God’s Word to what I was already studying. And God showed up. He was replacing the lie that I believed with His undeniable truth.
Right in the midst of my darkness, God breathed life into my heart.
When I laid my doubts before Him, He spoke truth.
What I heard God say in that moment was: My Word is true and nothing this world tries to get you to believe will ever break those truths.
Immediately, I found myself with a sense of rest. I found my eyes fixed on God. I found that my doubts were slowly fading away. I found my answer to doubt is always God despite how I feel.
Our conversation didn’t stop there though, even though I fell asleep for the night, it continued on into the next day. God reminded me through worship, friends, His Word (again), that God is T H E O N L Y one to be faithful even in my doubts. Not that God needed to prove this about Himself because of all that He has already done in my life, but He did it anyway. God reminded me of all He has done:
You want to know where I am? Look around. I am everywhere. I see what you’re walking through. I hear your cries. I know all the suffering going on in and around you. Why do you think I sent my Son? I sent Him so that I could be with you.
You want to know if I will fulfill my promises? Look at Abraham. I gave Him a promise, and he was faithful to trust my word despite him waiting. I gave Him a son just like I said I would. My word is true and it will not be broken. Look to Moses and the Israelites. I told Moses I would set my people free, but they had to endure Pharaoh’s hardened heart so that my name would be gloried. I cannot lie. Just like I said, I freed the Israelites and led them into the Promised Land.
Trust My Word. Believe My Word. Cling to My Word.
Trust Me. Believe Me. Cling to Me.
You want to know if I am good? Look to the cross. It was a terrible situation. Pain, suffering, and sadness (some of the very emotions you feel sometimes) were only some of the different emotions My Son felt on that cross. He suffered temporarily so that later my name could be F O R E V E R glorified. That terrible situation had to happen so that I could give you–give others–life.
Your situation may be full of waiting and at times full of pain, suffering, and sadness; but I am with you through it all–you are not alone. I make all these situations turn out good. Abraham waiting was for good. I made him faithful to me. The Israelites enduring Pharaoh’s hardened heart was for good. I made them trust me and to know that I will protect them. The cross was for good. It was my very power that brought Christ to life–to give you life. The things that I bring you to, I will bring you through for your good. I am with you, just as I was with Abraham, the Israelites, and My Son.
The words I have spoken years ago, I speak to you now: my Scripture cannot be broken.
Remembering these words that God has so gently spoken to me are the very words I must cling to even in the midst of my doubt.
Whatever it is you are facing, it is my prayer that you will remember God’s Word cannot be broken.
It is my prayer that you remember God will speak directly into your circumstances–He is a God who will be there for you no matter what.
It is my prayer that you look to the cross and remember all that God has already done.
It is my prayer that you see He is faithful even when the struggle is real.