I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to be the person everyone else wants me to be. I tried to find my identity in what other’s expected me to be, and that left me feeling empty and not enough.
I think back to school achievement; and it didn’t matter how many A’s I had in school, I always didn’t feel good enough.
Then when it came to guys, they never liked me–there was always another girl. Since we live in a culture that says you have to be in a relationship pretty much at all times; I thought there was something wrong with me, which only made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for a guy.
Fully accepting that I am not perfect, I was terrified (and still am) to make a mistake. I was afraid of making a mistake for fear that I would let someone down and disappoint them. And if I did mess up, I wasn’t surprised, but still felt the disappointment from others, which again reiterated not being good enough.
All of these stem from the idea that I seek approval from others. I want others to accept me for the things I do, but the truth is, God says that even when I was a child of wrath, He still loved me enough to be enough for the payment of my sins.
The thing that I got backwards (and still battle to get right) is that even when I was dead in my sin, there was absolutely nothing I could ever do to be accepted by God. I couldn’t get enough straight A’s in school, have the perfect relationship, or never disappoint anyone because of how good I am. The truth is I was not ever good. Romans 3:12 says that “no one does good, not even one”, which basically let’s me know that all my “good” achievements are actually pointless. I was literally never going to be enough because I’m not even good.
So how do I become good or even enough?
The Holy Spirit renewed my vision of the gospel. I was reminded through mentors, church, discipleship groups, and most importantly my own Bible study, that I have been made enough in Christ Jesus. It was Jesus’ perfect life that allowed Him to be the payment for my sin, my not good self. When I accepted that my actions were never going to be enough, is finally when I could rest that Jesus is enough, which makes me enough. It’s only by the blood of Christ that I am made enough.
Now, I believe Jesus has made me enough–that is TRUTH. But I’m still battling believing I have to do things in order to be enough. I believed a lie for 23 years of life, so really I’m recently uprooting this lie and replacing it with truth. I’m finding all types of new layers of this lie in my heart that I constantly have to uproot. It’s only through my personal quiet time have I been able to give God my heart for Him to restore.
But I’ve come to a place where I know I AM ENOUGH! Not by anything I have done, but because of what Christ has done for me.
If you’re like, “Rachel, how in the world do I start having a quiet time?” I’m so glad you asked!! Here’s a blog from a bit ago that talks about how I have my quiet time: The Reality of Quality Time and if you’re looking for some Bible Reading Tips or Prayer Journaling tips, feel free to check out those pages as well.
But if you’re like, “Rachel, I struggle with the same thing! I never feel like I’m enough,” or some of you may be like “I feel like I’m too much at times,” then I have a great resource for you!
There’s this awesome FLIP Book called Always Enough | Never Too Much by Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan. Together, they have written a devotional with two different messages combined into one book. They genuinely believed we have all been in this boat of not feeling enough or feeling like we are too much:
We’ve all been there. We know that sneaking, small voice in our heads all too well—you’re too loud. Too quiet. Too young. Too old. Too unimportant. Too ugly. Too silly. Too serious. You’re not as successful as she is—look at her perfect family, look at her high-powered job, look at her great hair and size 4 skinny jeans. Why can’t you be more like her—be more in general? Why do you expect so much from everyone? Why can’t you take up less space? Ask for less? Be less? The lies track well-worn paths in our minds and our hearts, wearing us down and making us question our role in God’s kingdom.
Jess Connolly and Hayley Morgan, bestselling authors of Wild and Free will help you replace those lies with God’s truth. This devotional flip-book is designed for you, the woman who feels like she can be both too much and not enough—sometimes in the same day. When you banish lies and insecurities and find your identity in Jesus, you can embrace these truths: You are always enough. You are never too much.
As someone who battles the feeling of not being enough, this book has been an encouragement to my wandering heart. The devotionals are backed with solid scripture and words of encouragement to the reader. No doubt, it has spoken truth into my life just by reading it in the afternoon. It’s a great pick me up when I start doubting my identity in Christ.
Feel free to enter the giveaway for a chance to grab your own copy of this book! Even if you don’t win, you need to pick this book up! It’s a great one!